Being Mum

Being a Mum is truly the greatest gift.

I know how fortunate I am to have my two beautiful girls. And as we celebrate Mothering Sunday I remember my beautiful baby boy, taken far too soon. I’ll miss him. Continuously. Forever. Joshua. The most beautiful child.

I think of those who don’t have their children with them. Those whose beautiful children have passed on, leaving heartbreak in their wake. Those who have never been able to have their much wanted babies…life can be so very cruel.

And I miss my Mum. I miss her laughter. Her smile. Her intelligence. Her feisty nature. Her habit of pouring copious amounts of bleach around the place.

I miss her voice.
Seeing her.
Holding her hand.
I miss her advice.
Her care.
I miss being her baby.

I’ve seen so many people today rushing to buy flowers, gifts and cards for their Mums. I’d like to say that I made no judgement but it wouldn’t be entirely true. I know many had reasons why they couldn’t buy until today. But this is your mum. I was jealous. Jealous of them having their Mums. Angry that life took my Mum from me. I need her. Always have, always will.

I did hear a man buying gifts for his ex wife, so that when his son went home to his mum he would be able to give her presents to say thank you for being a great Mum. That was a privilege to over hear.

But I wish, I so wish that I could buy my mum one more present, one more card…

I remember how I loved to shop for her birthday and Mothering Sunday at the same time. Occasionally they even fell on the same day. I remember buying her a gift with my brother for Christmas and watching as she cried with emotion as she opened it. I loved treating her. She deserved every happiness. I love to treat all of my family. Little things that make them smile, that touch their heart. It gives me such joy to see their wishes fulfilled. I wish I could have given my mum more.

Thought costs little. We’re all so busy. So wrapped up in ourselves that we often don’t realise what we have. If I could go back and undo some of the arguments with my Mum. I would. I would listen more. I would hold and cuddle her more. I would take more photos. Film her. Actually listen to her voice, the intonation, enjoy her laughter. Be with her more. Enjoy her more. I would talk more. There is so much that I didn’t know, so much that I could have learnt.

Our girls adore my Mum because I talk of her so much. They love Joshua because he is part of us. Just because those we love aren’t here, doesn’t mean that they are gone. Whilst we remember them, they live, they live through our absolute love.

Above everything else what I did learn from my Mum was how much she loved us. She was the best mum I could ever have. She taught me what it is to be a Mummy and if my girls love me half as much as I do her, then I’ll have done an exceptional good job.

To all of you. Hold your Mums, your Dads, your children, your spouses tighter. Take them places, have adventures, laugh, learn. Spend time together and remember how lucky you are to have such people in your lives.

They are our world. They make us who we are. We are here because of them. You only get one Mum. Never roll your eyes at their call. Never regret the time that you spend with them. Breathe them in. They are our life blood. For every wish I have that things could have been different, I remember how truly lucky I am and have always been.

For my Mummy and my angel baby boy…I know that they will never be alone. Always together until we meet again ❤️

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