Nearly 7 years of having you here.
I remember your first cry.
I remember lying on that bed and hearing you squeak.
I remember my mum and husband crying with relief that you were here. I couldn’t understand that as I was so happy. The happiest that I have ever been or am likely to be again.
I remember your warmth when I first held you. The anticipation of you waking up for your feed.
The fear when we were told that something was wrong. Being ushered away from prying eyes.
The terror of cardiac and blood tests.
The feeling of being a fraud and it all being totally surreal.
I remember the denial.
But above everything I remember warmth. I remember LOVE. I remember nothing really phasing me…
I remember the feeling of feeding you. Of seeing your eyes. Knowing that I was your mummy, but you were my all.
In that moment I changed. I became the best person that I will ever be.
I watched you watch us. I saw you understand and comprehend….and in your own good time….you achieve.
I ask for patience. I receive your love.
I ask for knowledge. You give it in abundance.
When you hold me, I feel all is right with the world. You saved me from the wrong path.
7 years on…tough times….none of them due to you. But you make me appreciate every thing. Make me analyse and understand.
I was one of the dumbest, intelligent people I know of….before you.
I pledge that I will continue to fight your corner and those disadvantaged in whatever way, every day from now on.
I will be the best that I can be. Not because of God. Or whatever else. But because this inherent heart of mine knows that it is the right thing to do. To fight for morals. Morals that our own heads and hearts tell us is right.
So my beautiful daughter…I thank you for the lessons. To say that I love you seems vacuous. My feelings for you are beyond love. You are my friend, my teacher, my counsellor….you have grown more than I could have ever hoped. And I with you.
Together we go forward. I can not wait for the next 7….