Pre-Post Warning – seriously sleep deprived mama here….said post likely to be rambling and incoherent at times…
People say the strangest things…I find myself often rolling my eyes at the flippant nature of comments that people make.
Society moves so fast and with the progress of social media, it seems the art of communication is changing. Not necessarily for the better.
‘No regrets’ – Our lives are peppered with regrets and wishes of things being different, that we had acted differently in a situation.
Things that we can’t actually change.
Things that just happen.
Anyone that says they have no regrets for me is either lying to you or themselves.
I have this ‘thing’, ok rather an issue with people who say ‘everything happens for a reason’. It’s one of those throwaway things that people say. It’s a way of them assuaging their own feelings about a situation or of making some seemingly helpful comment.
We seem to have a need to always to be able to say something; make some comment; do our bit…
I understand that people want to feel better. Want to help. Want explanations as to why things happen…
‘Everything happens for a reason’ falls into the same category for me as ‘God only gives special children to special people’. Balls in my opinion.
All children are special regardless of abilities.
But people say this, they’ve said it to me. It seems that it’s a ‘thing’ to say.
“Oh you’re so strong, I couldn’t do it”– actually you could do it. You see when you are in the middle of a torrid situation you don’t actually have any other choice.
I have had some truly horrid situations of loss in my life in a short space of time. People said they didn’t know how I coped….the answer was that neither did I. But what use would I have been sitting in a corner, broken, when my family still needed me?
I may be controversial here but I have an issue with ‘hugs’.
You know on social media when people don’t know what to say to a situation? So they say ‘hugs’.
Now hear me out….
I get it. I know it’s well intended and well meant. But for me it’s becoming increasingly flippant. I know it’s an acknowledgement of someone’s situation when people don’t know what to say. But having been on the receiving end of several hundred ‘hugs’ I don’t actually feel any better.
Yeah I know! I’m an old boot! It just seems so meaningless to me. I prefer an honest ‘I don’t know what to say.’, ‘I’m so sorry’ or even ‘that’s just shit’.
You see I’ve been on the receiving end of so many flippant comments in relation to losing Joshua but also Evie…
“At least she’ll never know pain” that gem of insight when she was a few weeks old. Yeah thanks for that.
“She doesn’t look like a Downs” funny that…she’s an Evans and has our genes.
“She only has it mild then?” Yeah 36%…..I mean come on people!!!
The purpose of this little rant is that I just want people to be honest. I don’t want someone to say “I know” when actually you don’t. Saying ‘I know’ when you don’t, really undermines that person.
It seems to me that most of us try to reach out to our friends and acquaintances when they’re low or in need. It’s just that sometimes the things that people say seems a bit disposable. We aren’t disposable and neither should our feelings be. I suppose it’s about time and in part education and confidence.
‘The hug thing’ I now only do to those who I would genuinely hug and yeah, I’m not a great hugger…
I try to take time to say what I mean to people. To let them know that I genuinely care.
Life passes us by so quickly, the things that we say should really matter.